Paris, Come On Now
Paris, when your vagina has hosted more wieners than a Sara Lee hot dog bun, you do not need to showcase where your vaginal opening is. Word spreads, you know, and so does Syphilis. But then again, you knew that already! I guess what I am trying to say is, I can smell your bikini biscuit from way over here, and I think it is a sourdough biscuit. I would suggest an impromptu trip to the gynecologist, but I have nothing against gynecologists. Why should two lives be ruined? Dammit! Let's stop the cycle of pain!
Anyway, I have no idea what the hell Paris Hilton is wearing in these photos, but she is thrusting out her pelvis and staring at that blonde with predatory interest. Now that Rudolph and Paris are friends again, I can only assume that Paris is back to sampling the clam dip. After all, she and Rudolph were mashing potatoes before they had a falling out and decided to divide their assets – four crusty dildos and a prescription bottle for anal warts.
So, yeah. Once again, I have no fucking idea what this dress means. Perhaps it is a lesbian symbol for “Fuck me up the ass and spit in my mouth” which makes complete sense, considering Paris’ history. What? Do you honestly think that she and Rudolph were making tender love on a water bed while The Indigo Girls played softly in the background?
Fuck that shit! If I know these two bitches, they were slapping each other senseless, yanking out each other’s pubes, and rolling around like a couple of beavers in heat. Oh my God. Wait. I think I just threw up. Yup. Goddammit! It’s all down my shirt! You see, Paris? You see what you made me do? And all because of that stupid fucking dress! That’s it! You are banned from the blog! I would have done it sooner, but I was too busy being a virginal loser with no discernable love life. Yeah. Believe it or not, that takes up a lot of my time.
PS: Thank you, de Cosmos, for the head’s up!
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If she thinks that putting a flower there is going to make people think she doesn't smell like a fish market, she's got another thing coming. It's like when the loons say that the Yaga is a humanitarian - saying it doesn't make it so.
Aug 2 at 10:30amDammit, I need a diaper change! This is the best Paris Hilton post ever!
Aug 2 at 10:35amAnd yes, Rudolph and Paris would have those assets between them! Four crusty dildos and a bottle of pills for their shared anal warts. Perfect!
Aug 2 at 10:36amJen, just like the AG, I can smell that vagina from here! Must find a gas mask!
Aug 2 at 10:36amOF, I think it's time for a fish fry *loads Metaxa Super Soaker* No, loons, that was not an invitation.
Aug 2 at 10:38amJen, I'll get the matches!
Aug 2 at 10:43amMaybe the Head Troll can hold some vegetables and scare away the loons.
Aug 2 at 10:44amGreek Girl, you just killed my poor boyfriend again! He's in stitches!
Aug 2 at 10:44am*aims at Crabcakes from a safe distance, as I am allergic to shellfish*
Aug 2 at 10:44amJen and Old Fogey, I'll add some fat-free yogurt to the vegetables and really scare the loons away!
Aug 2 at 10:45amjen, are you really allergic to shellfish? if so, it's another creepy thing you have in common with your twin!
Aug 2 at 10:46amChris, yes! Not all shellfish. Lobster and crab, but shrimp is ok.
Aug 2 at 10:49amthat is seriously creepy and cool at the same time! dna test! :)
Aug 2 at 10:51amTW, fat-free yogurt is a great idea!
Aug 2 at 10:53amWhy is she sucking up air on this planet?
Aug 2 at 10:53amGreek Girl, you absolutely kill me! I'm still laughing like a school girl!
Aug 2 at 10:53amAnd who is de Cosmos? I've noticed their name at the bottom of some of the Paris Hilton posts. Hi, de Cosmos!
Aug 2 at 10:54amHi, drpamful! We missed you yesterday!
Aug 2 at 10:55amdrpamful, just as Wig Jolie needs a home, so does Hairpiece Hilton.
Aug 2 at 10:55amAGHM, I've wondered that myself. Hello to de Cosmos!
Aug 2 at 10:56amHello Old Fogey- I was very late yesterday posting- but glad I did because I am in the process of arranging that telethon for Team Jolie. You can't imagine how time consuming these things are! I missed you too!! It's not the same without you!
LMAO Jen, Hairpiece Hilton. Like I always says Hilton is PPPPPT:
Piss Poor Protoplasm Poorly Put Together. And she is a skank.
Aug 2 at 10:59amGreek Girl, you get two pinkies up for this post! I am wiping away tears! And not because of Paris' smell.
Aug 2 at 10:59amOh my God, Team Jolie was so flipping annoying yesterday!
Aug 2 at 11:01amSeriously, Best Paris Hilton Post Ever! :)))
Aug 2 at 11:03amThe Angry Freak was the only annoying one yesterday for not apologizing for banning me without an explanation.
Aug 2 at 11:04amright, team jolie. it came out of nowhere! two warnings and an official e-mail were not enough!
Aug 2 at 11:06amTJ, you were given plenty of warning, so shut the eff up!
Aug 2 at 11:06amThe AG totally forgot to throw you a parade, TJ. Sorry about that.
Aug 2 at 11:07amBrilliant post, AG. So funny...and that dress, last time I saw these colors mixed together, it was in a 70s movie.
Aug 2 at 11:07amClassy DrPamful, your wild sense of humor and your comments always crack me up. You rock, ma chère !
I was not given plenty of warning! The least she owed was an apology!
Aug 2 at 11:15amThe AG should not have to apologize to a racism homophobe like you.
Aug 2 at 11:16amWhat the hell did you want, TJ? A royal send-off?
Aug 2 at 11:16amwaaaa, waaaa, waaaa, team jolie.
Aug 2 at 11:17amYou are annoying beyond anything I have ever witnessed, TJ.
Aug 2 at 11:19amOh, you're still on about that, Team Jolie? Has it not gotten through to you that it's never going to happen?
Aug 2 at 11:19amlast week must have been long and boring, TJ.
Aug 2 at 11:21amWhat did you do ?
Sending hate e-mails to every critic who wrote a bad review of The Tourist ?
Rewriting the wikipedia page of Baba Yaga ?
Yep, long and boring...
Just like the Tsunami victims; no warning. And that hurts my heart.
Aug 2 at 11:21amTeam Jolie, grow the hell up. *Smacks you with my handbag*
Aug 2 at 11:21amhandsome knight, lol! that sounds exactly right! she was flooding ag's inbox with her hate mail last week.
Aug 2 at 11:22amAnd she has the guts to play the victim. No-life loser !
Aug 2 at 11:25amI like a little foreplay before someone sticks it to me. Word.
Aug 2 at 11:27amWell, French Knight, Team Jolie does have a lot of guts - mostly adipose tissue.
Aug 2 at 11:30amTo add insult to injury the "unfortunate incident that occured with no warning" failed to reunite Capsie and Team Jolie. If tragedy can't reunite people what, what I say, can? It's all so disturbing.
Aug 2 at 11:33amI am now experiencing an existential crisis thank you very much.
Gawd luv-a-duck I can smell Paris Hilton's rotting piss-flaps all the way in old Blighty.
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