Racist Paris Terrorizes India
First of all, God bless that little girl in the yellow sundress because she alone was brave enough to confront her parents about the mess they had gotten her into: “Who the fuck is this bitch? She smells like vomit and olive loaf, and I think her wig just growled at me. Get me the fuck out of here! I want to go home and play with my pet cheetah, Chester! What? What do you mean, don’t look behind me? Why? HAS SHE DONE SOMETHING? HAS SHE DONE SOMETHING TO CHESTER? Oh my God, not Chester! Not my beautiful little Chester! I’LL KILL HER! I’ll kill her wig and make a skirt out of its fur!”
Yeah, please ignore me. I am tired as hell this morning, which means I am finding humor in the weirdest shit. Anyway, for some fucking reason, Paris is in India this week, and the people of Mumbai decided to throw her a party. Why? Don’t they care about protecting their city from random acts of biological terrorism? Shaking hands with Paris Hilton is like taking a dump in a toilet and playing with your feces afterwards. And judging by the look of that wig, it has not been properly vaccinated, nor has it been checked for rabies.
Paris, keep this shit up and I am reporting your ass to the animal abuse people! If you want to see a good example of proper wig care, then look no further than Wig Jolie! Wig Jolie got all her vaccinations and she goes to the vet every six months for a checkup. And while it is abundantly clear that you keep your wig in a pet carrier, Wig Jolie is allowed to frolic in the countryside and chase squirrels up a tree!
I am so disappointed in you, Paris. Treating your wig with such disrespect! Oh, and speaking of disrespect, how do you think Racist Paris reacted to being in Mumbai? “Oh, hello, little girl! Where are your parents? Do you need any hel – oops! Careful! You almost stepped in shit! What? Oh, that’s your sister? Well, you Indians certainly are...brown, aren’t you? Yes, you are. Well, how would you like to come upstairs and shine my shoes for me? Have you been deloused, or should we stop by the veterinarian first?”