Crabcakes Has A New Ferrari
Just for the record, this may be the first time Paris Hilton has ever ridden something hard and Italian without having to bleach her anus first! After all, Paris is a woman of class and panache. A bleached anus always gives off a good first impression. It says, “Yeah, I’ll let you fuck me in the ass, but I’m gonna be coy about it!”
And why do I have the sinking feeling that when Paris first got into the car, she bent over and started giving head to the gear shift?
“No!” the car salesman cried, lurching forward. “Stop that! You’ll damage the gearbox!”
Oh, car salesman! You are so naïve! Paris Hilton has been walking around with a damaged gearbox for years. I would make a joke about pistons, but I think the pistons are under the hood, right? Oh, who fucking cares! If I need engine advice, I’ll just walk to the nearest golf course and pick out the dyke with the fluffiest mullet!
Anyway, here is our favorite vagina rash driving around Beverly Hills in her brand new Ferrari. According to The Daily Mail: “The heiress took her brand new, $280,000 Ferrari for a spin. She was joined by sister Nicky, who sat in the passenger seat of the bright red convertible for their shopping trip to Barney's New York.”
And since Paris is a racist bitch, you know she took ten hours to decide which color to go with: “Do you have it in white? No? Dammit! That was my first choice! Well, I certainly won’t take it in black, brown, or yellow! Speaking of yellow, do you know of any good chink restaurants around here? I went to a chink restaurant once and the chef named a dish after me. He called it Suk Mai Wang! It was a cream-based soup with lots of slippery dicks in it! Delicious! It tasted like the toilet seat down at the free clinic!”
PS: Thank you, de Cosmos, for the link!