More Jessica Alba Parenting Crap
The last time we spoke about Jessica Alba, we made fun of the fact that she punishes her eldest daughter by locking her in a dark bathroom for fifteen minutes at a time. And as most of you may have guessed, this method of parenting has earned Jessica the coveted Maman Seal of Approval. Yes, my Maman gave it two horns up and then she added: “All you have to do now is slap your daughter around with a degrading object. Personally, I prefer the Muppet slipper. There is something special about slapping your grown daughter around with Cookie Monster or Elmo. It’s called bonding, asshole. Look it up.”
Anyway, the Maman Seal of Approval has obviously gone straight to Jessica Alba’s head because she thought it would be a good idea to bring up parenting again: “I did have that dreaded moment when my daughter decided that every answer I gave her wasn’t a good one and she kept saying, ‘But why mommy? But why mommy?’ and I was like, ‘Because I said so.’ And I thought, ‘Oh God, I’m that mom, I’m my mom.’”
Jessica then added: “And that’s when I scrubbed her little mouth with a toilet brush and dunked her head in the toilet a few times. Yes, I consulted the Angry Mother and she said that this was the only way she was going to learn.”
Yeah, okay. Personally, I could give a rats ass about the whole situation. I am sure Jessica Alba is a much better parent than either one of mine. In fact, when I was about eight years old, my father was kind enough to bring me a warm mug of milk before bedtime. Normally, that would have been wonderful, but on that particular occasion, the milk was spoiled. Needless to say, I took one sip of milk and spit it directly back into my mug. The ensuing conversation went a little something like this:
MILDLY FRUSTRATED GREEK: Papa, I think my milk is spoiled!
DAD: Oh, okay. I be right back.
*Papa goes into the kitchen and comes back with a tin of cocoa powder. As I watch in silent horror, he dumps three spoonfuls of chocolate powder into my mug and stirs it all up*
DAD: There. Now you drink.
MILDLY FRUSTRATED GREEK: But...but Papa! The milk is spoiled!
DAD: So what? When I was little boy in Greece, we no have milk! We have armor! Did you know that Spartan fathers used to take retarded babies and leave them by the mountainside to die?
MILDLY FRUSTRATED GREEK: No.
DAD: Well, they did.
MILDLY FRUSTRATED GREEK: But what does that have to do with my milk?
DAD: Mount Diablo is only two hours away and I have a full tank of gas.
*tips my mug and drinks it all down without stopping*
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Buahahahahahahahahahaha!
Mar 6 at 9:38amHahahahaha ! Oh my, that was priceless ! :)
Mar 6 at 9:39amMuppet slipper? Meh.....try having mom chase you around intending to beat your ass with a carpet muncher.
Mar 6 at 9:40amNO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Carpet BEATER!
Mar 6 at 9:40amI.just.can't.stop.laughing ! Head Troll, I love you ! ^___^
Mar 6 at 9:41amLMAO, Greek Girl! I love your parents! Jessica Alba really stuck her foot in her mouth when she admitted to locking her kid in a dark bathroom!
Mar 6 at 9:42amHead Troll, LMFAO! Auto correct strikes again!
Mar 6 at 9:43amMy own maman used to use that :
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/46/Martinet.jpg/22...
Mar 6 at 9:43amAnd no, I'm not into SM :)
Mar 6 at 9:43amBuahahahaha, Head Troll!
Mar 6 at 9:44amOh, Handsome! You made me laugh!
Mar 6 at 9:45amWell, i didn't enjoyed martinet that much :)
Mar 6 at 9:46amI prefer cuddles *spoons SGF*
AG, can't stop laughing! My future in-laws sound feisty but I'm sure we'll get along fine!
Mar 6 at 9:47amOooooh. Handsome, where can I buy something like that?
Mar 6 at 9:47amOh...naughty girl :)
Mar 6 at 9:49amGGFW, what are you planning? Gotta say I'm intrigued.
Mar 6 at 9:50amYay, no auto rectal!
Mar 6 at 9:51amhandsome, you can use the martinet on me anytime! *snuggles closer*
Mar 6 at 9:51amCrap!
Mar 6 at 9:51amauto rectal ? :))))
Mar 6 at 9:51amHead Troll, you're killing me! LMAO! Carpet munchers and auto rectals! CLASSY!
Mar 6 at 9:52amAnd as for what I'm planning....having AG tie me up somewhere and tell me how naughty I've been sounds really good! ;)
Mar 6 at 9:54amUsing the martinet on you, SGF ? Well, maybe that bloody thing can be use for funny and naughty things too :)
Mar 6 at 9:54amSacrebleu, GGFW...kinda hot today !
Mar 6 at 9:55amauto rectal, head troll? bahahahaha!
Mar 6 at 9:55amit certainly can, my handsome knight! it certainly can!!
Mar 6 at 9:55amI'm in a bit of a mood today, Handsome! An auto rectal mood!
Mar 6 at 9:56amDidn't thought about that before...had an history with that thing. Maman used to tie some little knots at the end of the whips...my butt still remembers it :)
Mar 6 at 9:57amI think my iPad has Tourettes.
Mar 6 at 9:58amAG, you need to write a book about your traumatic childhood! I'm cracking the fuck up!
Mar 6 at 9:58amAuto rectal - when you're in the mood for a pounding.
Mar 6 at 9:58amOh, yeah, THAT went through fine!
Mar 6 at 9:58amLMAO, Head Troll!
Mar 6 at 9:59amHandsome, I feel terrible for laughing but that's funny!
Mar 6 at 9:59amAG, the Maman Seal of Approval? LMAO! And I love your dad! You should have told him a midget was hiding in the closet!
Mar 6 at 10:01amHead Troll, your iPad is the best!
Mar 6 at 10:02amGod, I love the angry parents! Always hysterical!
Mar 6 at 10:03amhead troll, that was hot. ;)
Mar 6 at 10:05amHahahaha! Very funny!
Mar 6 at 10:06amHandsome, it was an honor to be your cuddle partner last week!
Mar 6 at 10:07amWell done, Greek Girl! Jessica Alba is insufferable!
Mar 6 at 10:08amTell Maman to hit her with a muppet slipper, a martinet, and a carpet muncher!
Mar 6 at 10:09amAhhhh I'm laughing so hard!
Mar 6 at 10:10amOh merci beaucoup, AGGM...but now i'm torn. SGF, let's have a big auto rec...hummm sorry, spooning session with AGGM ,please !
Mar 6 at 10:11amhandsome, lmao! of course! *cuddles my knight and aggm*
Mar 6 at 10:18amGGFW: I plan on giving Maman a psychological and personality make over next week so she may be better in the future.
Mar 6 at 11:20amI am so glad to see SGF!!!!! We missed you. I am sitting here with Miss Margarine. She has a plane to catch soon. Hopefully she will be hiding in AG's bathroom she gets home. She told me she has the urge to stab someone repeatedly too. I love how Miss Margarine confides in us SGF. We must inspire confidence!!!!!
Mar 6 at 11:24amOk, some one tell me, what the heck is UP with Jessica Alba? I thought she looked so sweet.
I will weigh in here and say that Jessica Biel looks like a horse. Sorry.
Mar 6 at 11:26amOh. My. God.
Mar 6 at 1:32pmI used to get threatened with getting left on a mountain like the retarded Spartan kids too O_O
Why does it have to be a DARK bathroom? That's just weird. Her kids are really little, too. Bitch.
HT, you have an extra decadent iPad.
Mar 6 at 1:41pmPost new comment