Oh, Here We Go!
When I heard that Snooki was preparing for motherhood, I immediately assumed that I would find pictures of her scavenging for scraps in the dumpster, building a nest out of her pubic hairs, and lubricating her anus with aerosol cooking spray. After all, Snooki is part titmouse and everyone knows that titmice can lay up to fifteen eggs at a time. Yeah. And just out of curiosity, why is it that everything that involves Snooki ends up smelling like ass? And pork fried rice, but that’s another question for another day.
Anyway, who the hell knows what’s going on in this photo. According to People magazine, Snooki was walking around with a plastic doll in an attempt to practice for motherhood. BULLSHIT! If Snooki was practicing for motherhood, she would be taking a dump in the middle of a grocery store and scooping her feces onto some refrigerated eggs in order to keep them warm. Yes, Snooki plans on being a hands-on mother, God bless her.
And speaking of hands-on mothers, my Maman would probably take one look at the above photo and say, “Why did somebody put toddler clothes on a turd?” Actually, she would probably shake her head and say, “People are so sick. Who would put a flower on a twice-baked potato? It makes no goddamn sense!”
Either way, my Maman would be absolutely correct. Maman is always correct. Like the time she told me not to go skateboarding without a helmet on because I might get a concussion. Cut to me running outside without a helmet on and skating up and down the street for two hours. Yeah, and the moment I walked back into the house, my Maman jumped out of the shadows and started beating the crap out of me with her Muppet slipper. So in a way, she was right. Not wearing a helmet can lead to serious head injuries. Especially when the Muppet slipper has rubber soles and a thumb tack sticking out of the general toe area.