Oh, Here We Go!
When I heard that Snooki was preparing for motherhood, I immediately assumed that I would find pictures of her scavenging for scraps in the dumpster, building a nest out of her pubic hairs, and lubricating her anus with aerosol cooking spray. After all, Snooki is part titmouse and everyone knows that titmice can lay up to fifteen eggs at a time. Yeah. And just out of curiosity, why is it that everything that involves Snooki ends up smelling like ass? And pork fried rice, but that’s another question for another day.
Anyway, who the hell knows what’s going on in this photo. According to People magazine, Snooki was walking around with a plastic doll in an attempt to practice for motherhood. BULLSHIT! If Snooki was practicing for motherhood, she would be taking a dump in the middle of a grocery store and scooping her feces onto some refrigerated eggs in order to keep them warm. Yes, Snooki plans on being a hands-on mother, God bless her.
And speaking of hands-on mothers, my Maman would probably take one look at the above photo and say, “Why did somebody put toddler clothes on a turd?” Actually, she would probably shake her head and say, “People are so sick. Who would put a flower on a twice-baked potato? It makes no goddamn sense!”
Either way, my Maman would be absolutely correct. Maman is always correct. Like the time she told me not to go skateboarding without a helmet on because I might get a concussion. Cut to me running outside without a helmet on and skating up and down the street for two hours. Yeah, and the moment I walked back into the house, my Maman jumped out of the shadows and started beating the crap out of me with her Muppet slipper. So in a way, she was right. Not wearing a helmet can lead to serious head injuries. Especially when the Muppet slipper has rubber soles and a thumb tack sticking out of the general toe area.
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AG, cracking up! I still say that Maman should blog for a day! Oh my God, the shit she'd come up with!
Mar 29 at 9:34amAnd I don't care if all she posts is baking recipes! It would still be hilarious!
Mar 29 at 9:34amAG, that's absolutely correct! She'd be covering eggs in feces and coughing up food into baby birds' mouths in order to practice.
Mar 29 at 9:36amSo wait...is the Swamp Midget actually pregnant?
Mar 29 at 9:36amYes, OF. She confirmed that she's pregnant. We have 8 months to make sure that our houses are lice proof!
Mar 29 at 9:37amAGHM, God help us all! Isn't this one of the signs of the apocalypse?
Mar 29 at 9:38ammaman and her muppet slipper are the best things ever! i'd pay to see her wield the muppet slipper of doom!
Mar 29 at 9:40amaggm, maman posting on the blog would be epic!
Mar 29 at 9:40amSnooki...a Maman ? That's the end of the world as we know it...
Mar 29 at 9:40amA twice-baked potato? LMAO!
Mar 29 at 9:41amHandsome, I officially believe that the world will end this year!
Mar 29 at 9:42amThe Mayan calendar was right all along!
Mar 29 at 9:42amGood morning, Handsome Knight! Always love when AG posts new things and the hos are able to gather!
Mar 29 at 9:43am*snuggles up to my handsome knight* i'm so happy now.
Mar 29 at 9:44amAG, you're posting! Hurrah! Good morning, hos!
Mar 29 at 9:44amSnooki should not be allowed to procreate. We should fix her like a rabid dog with three legs.
Mar 29 at 9:45amBuahahahahahahahahaha!
Mar 29 at 9:47amFREAK I WAS HAVING A REALLY GOOD DAY UNTIL I SAW YOU POSTING. THANKS FOR RUINING MY GOOD MORNING!!
Mar 29 at 9:48amFEEL FREE TO NEVER POST AGAIN BY THE WAY!!
Mar 29 at 9:48amSnooki...procreating ? Now I have horrible images in mind ....^___^
And you're so right, BYBB. The AG can't post every day like before but we enjoy every lines and every minutes spent together...and I'm enjoying my spooning sessions so much too *snuggles up with SGF*
Mar 29 at 9:49amOh, Capsie...VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE !
Mar 29 at 9:49amTank Ass, feel free to never comment again! Yeesh! You get on my nerves!
Mar 29 at 9:49amVa te fair foutre, grosse conne!
Mar 29 at 9:50amHandsome, did I say that right?
Mar 29 at 9:50amCapsie, take a hike! You could stand to lose some weight!
- Team AG
Mar 29 at 9:50amGood morning, hos! Really good to see you!
- Team AG
Mar 29 at 9:51amGood morning, TAG!
Mar 29 at 9:51amCapsie, get the hell out! Snooki is procreating! The world is shitty enough without you farting all over the blog!
Mar 29 at 9:52amGood morning, everyone!
Mar 29 at 9:52amPerfect, Mamie...as always !
Mar 29 at 9:53amBonjour, Team AG !
i missed our cuddling time, handsome! my day is wonderful now!
Mar 29 at 9:53amcapsie, get the fuck out!
Mar 29 at 9:53amAnd it's a pleasure to see you too, Dairy Queef. I thank you on Snooki's behalf for the shower gift of fecal matter - it is customary in her corner of the Great Swamp to line the bassinet with it. Of course, she's not classy enough to thank you herself, but rest assured she will use your contribution well.
Mar 29 at 9:55amLMAO! Oh how I love the Snooki posts! And Capsie, you should take your meds and drown your sorrows in a gallon of fudge brownie ice cream!
Mar 29 at 9:55am^ That was me. Silly browser logged me out - proof enough it's been too long!
Mar 29 at 9:56amJen, is that you?
Mar 29 at 9:56amI knew it! Good morning, Jen! You're decadent!
Mar 29 at 9:56amJen ! Tu vas bien ?
Mar 29 at 9:56amJen, I thought that was you! Your decadent comments are unmistakeable!
Mar 29 at 9:57amMon chevalier francais! Ca va tres bien, et toi?
Mar 29 at 9:57amBonjour, Jen! So good to see you! How is your dad after the bullshit terrorism incident?
Mar 29 at 9:58amCa va très bien ! Et encore plus quand je suis ici avec autant de gens merveilleux !
Mar 29 at 9:58amjen! *jumps on her and gives her a hug*
Mar 29 at 9:59amAnd me too, SGF ! We both give un calin to Jen :)
Mar 29 at 10:00amBig hugs all around! OF, my dad is fine - they were able to clear up what he was doing at the bridge, but it really is bullshit - if they had enough info to lead them to my parents' house, that same info should have told them enough about what my dad does for a living, and he has a certain level of government clearance for that reason. They were able to figure out it was him without his involvement, and they could have found that out too without sending out an agent to give my parents shit.
Mar 29 at 10:07amJen, I couldn't agree more. I'm just glad everything worked out!
Mar 29 at 10:14amThat kind of shit happens too often in France too, alas...content que ç a ce soit arrangé pour ton père, Jen !
Mar 29 at 10:21am*ça se
Mar 29 at 10:22amTypos in french now ? Sacrebleu !
Merci beaucoup, mon chevalier francais :)
Mar 29 at 10:23amI love the French speakers on the blog! So decadent!
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