Baba Yaga and Goat Bitch Are 'Engaged'
And before you loons start screaming about HENS and WET PANTIES and DONUT CHEESEBURGERS, may I point out the fact that Goat Bitch has no idea that he’s engaged to Baba Yaga? In fact, that poor bitch is currently prancing through a field of daisies wearing a summery white dress and carrying a jewelry box with a pair of diamond-encrusted cock rings inside.
“Oh, Georgie!” he sighs, stopping to adjust his white velvet panties. “I always knew I would be a summer bride!”
Yeah, I really hate to be a girl scout but somebody needs to stop him before he makes it to George Clooney’s house and gets the door slammed in his face.
“You lying whore!” Clooney will sob from the other side of the door. “You told me you loved me! You told me you’d never get married for the sake of publicity! I can’t believe I trusted you!”
“Georgie, what are you talking about?” Goat Bitch will shriek, pounding desperately on the door. “Let me in! Let me in right now!”
“No!” Clooney will scream, throwing a vase of flowers against the door. “The best years of my life, Goat Bitch! That’s what I gave you! The best years of my life and you CRAPPED all over them!”
Yeah, loons! I bet you didn’t know any of that was going on! Anyway, this whole fuckery parade started on Friday morning when Robert Procop, a famed jewelry designer, claimed that Baba Yaga was wearing an engagement ring that he and Goat Bitch had designed together. Shortly after that, Goat Bitch’s rep confirmed the rumors by saying: “Yes, it's confirmed. It is a promise for the future and their kids are very happy. There’s no date set at this time.”
Oh, yes! I am certain the children are very happy! Yeah, as if Zahara doesn’t have enough shit to deal with already! It’s not enough that the poor girl has to stay up all night patrolling the local orphanages with a stake and a crossbow! No! Now she has to convince Baba Yaga not to hire Japanese chefs to chop up live children during the dinner reception!
Anyway, who the hell knows what’s going on anymore. All I can do is sit here and imagine what Baba Yaga’s first meeting with the wedding planner will be like.
WEDDING PLANNER: Now, as far as the menu is concerned –
BABA YAGA: Oh! Well, I do have a tentative menu planned if you would like to hear it.
WEDDING PLANNER: Oh, yes! By all means!
BABA YAGA: Well, for the appetizer, I was thinking of serving pecan encrusted toddler fingers wrapped in baby spinach leaves.
WEDDING PLANNER: What?
BABA YAGA: And for the salad, we can have hearts of romaine lettuce with eggplant tapenade, shaved parmesan, and preteen pate.
WEDDING PLANNER: Holy fu –
BABA YAGA: And for the entree, something classy. Horseradish whipped potatoes, baby carrots and miniature yellow squash, and toddler tenderloin with Vidalia onion relish. How does that sound to you?
WEDDING PLANNER: Get the fuck out of here, you satanic hand puppet! And take your effeminate goat with you!
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So we have a confirmed promise for the future with no date set? Ok...
Apr 17 at 10:53amhttp://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2k94pTGjT1rqa08fo1_400.gif
Apr 17 at 10:53amThere are only three reasons for a "promise" ring that I can think of:
1) Pre-teens who want to feel like adults
2) Gay couples who can't get married
3) Guys who are sick of being nagged about marriage.
Not only that, but an "engagement" for a gruesome twosome that's been togetherish for 6 some years and have 7 kids is just pathetic. Just get married or don't get married. Shut the fuck up already!
Apr 17 at 10:55amAG, hahaha! Clooney would throw a vase of flowers! He has every right to be upset. His true love is playing along with a corpse for the sake of the media.
Apr 17 at 10:56amHead Troll, preach! Where is the booze already?
Apr 17 at 10:56amAnd, also, I'm fairly certain I've seen that exact same ring before! Just another copy from Goat Bitchs big vag of tricks!
Apr 17 at 10:57amlmao, twin! Yes, it has to be baby spinach. That's a crucial detail.
Apr 17 at 10:57amHead Troll, yes! Either piss or get off the pot, as my friend always says!
Apr 17 at 10:58amBuahahahahahahahahaha!
Apr 17 at 10:59amThat sounds like the perfect wedding menu for a satanic witch like the Yaga!
Apr 17 at 10:59amHead Troll, exactly. Engagement after a year or two - great. Engagement after 7 years - putting a patch on a broken relationship. A bandaid on a bullet wound, to be exact.
Apr 17 at 10:59amThat's right, Head Troll. Goat Bitch really does think he's a pre-teen girl. No wonder he looks so terrified. He thinks Baba Yaga will put him in a stew.
Apr 17 at 11:01amGeorgie has every right to slam the door in the goat's face! I know I would! BETRAYAL! :)
Apr 17 at 11:05amAnd yeah, a promise ring after 7 years! That's some fuckery right there.
Apr 17 at 11:05amHahahaha ! Brilliant !
Apr 17 at 11:06amBUAHAHAHAHA! YOU STUPID BITCHES KEEP TELLING YOURSELFS THAT!!!
Apr 17 at 11:09amANUSTAIN WILL GET DUMPED BY THAT MIDGET EVENTUALLY BECAUSE NO MAN CAN STAND TO BE AROUND HER FOR MORE THAN 2 MONTHS!!!
Apr 17 at 11:10amDairy Queef, We're not stupid bitches. The hos are JJA-Approved Raunchy Bitches. Get it right and show some respect.
Apr 17 at 11:10amANGIE AND BRAD WILL BE GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING HOT SEX FOR YEARS TO COME!!!
Apr 17 at 11:10amThey are not even f*cking engagement yet!
Apr 17 at 11:11am"Yourselfs"? Tank ass, your grammar is almost as appalling as your hurricane farts.
Apr 17 at 11:12amAnd why are you obsessed with their sex life? Get one of your own!
Apr 17 at 11:12amYes, once Clooney forgives him, Goat Bitch will be a bottom for years to come. That's his real promise for the future.
Apr 17 at 11:13amhttp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lybat1XxA41qa5z1ro1_500.png
Apr 17 at 11:13amLMAO, AG! This whole thing is such a joke. Capsie, believe it!
Apr 17 at 11:14amlmao, Head Troll! I'm shocked Capsie knows how to even turn a computer on!
Apr 17 at 11:15amJen, what an image! So true! Hopefully Clooney does get over it otherwise Goat Bitch will have to go back to humping his dirty blanket in the goat pen.
Apr 17 at 11:15amHead Troll, LMAO! That's how this whole "promise ring" mess got started in the first place!
Apr 17 at 11:16amToo much vodka for the goat. Baba Yaga has been spiking his water dish.
Apr 17 at 11:16amOMG. Those hands!!!!!
Apr 17 at 11:18amAG, that's exactly what the menu will look like! And I still can't take my eyes off the claw that is Baba Yaga's hand!
Apr 17 at 11:18amPammykins, it's a fucking claw! Horrible looking!
Apr 17 at 11:19amOK, Brad, give me a ring and I promise I won't fax out anymore fake stories for the next six months. Unless they are about JEnnifer Aniston.
Apr 17 at 11:20amHot sex?
Apr 17 at 11:21amTW and Pammykins, this is why the ring had to be custom made - rings for human beings don't fit The Claw.
Apr 17 at 11:21amDid they get a space heater in the morgue?
Apr 17 at 11:22amCAMILLA PARKER BOWLMOVEMENT:
http://www.platinum.matthey.com/uploaded_files/news%20room%20pics/camill...
That's why Yaga's ring looked so familiar. Copy of this ring and the old lady claw.
Apr 17 at 11:22amDo you like Dolls Capsie?
Apr 17 at 11:22amObviously Baba Yaga needs to stay in the freezer longer. Her veins are about to poke through her skin.
Apr 17 at 11:22amThey did, Pammykins, and this is why the Yaga looks like she's melting.
Apr 17 at 11:22amLOL~! Head Troll!!!
Apr 17 at 11:23amOMG, Head Troll! That's the exact ring!
Apr 17 at 11:23amANGIE DIDN'T RIP OFF ANYONE'S RING!!!
Apr 17 at 11:24amWHO'S CAMILLA PARKER BOWLL?
Apr 17 at 11:24amHead Troll, excellent find! So the promise ring isn't even an original promise ring? LMAO!
Apr 17 at 11:25amCapsie, are you fucking kidding me?
Apr 17 at 11:25amHey to all the Hos! Remember that stupid story about Baba Yaga not eating because she overly identified with all the starving refugee? I wonder how many Happy Meals (or mosquito nets) that ostentatious ring would buy.
Apr 17 at 11:28amJen, you're absolutely right!
Apr 17 at 11:29amDear God Capsie? I am eating asparagus right now. Happy Easter Caps.
Apr 17 at 11:29amPammykins, don't mention Happy Meals around the loons. Capsie is on a diet. She's only terrorizing one McDonald's a day instead of 50.
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