Muppet Slipper Assault In 3...2...1...
Okay, before I say anything else, I just want to point out the fact that Paris is about two seconds away from getting slapped upside the head with a wayward Muppet slipper. Normally, I would make an effort to warn the bitch, but I am too busy being a massive cunt to be bothered right now. Yeah! Excuse me for being busy! God, Paris! Not everything is about you, okay? Some of us actually have jobs!
Anyway, back to my original point. I was over at Maman’s house this weekend and she was desperately searching for her summer tablecloth to drape over the picnic table outside. After all, when you invite Satan and the ghost of Hitler over for brunch, you have to have something pretty to place the food on.
Yes. Well, judging by the above photo, Paris Hilton stole the tablecloth and decided to wear it as a skirt at Coachella this weekend. And for those of you who give a shit, Coachella is a large music festival that takes place in Indio, California every year. Personally, Maman prefers the annual Virgin Blood Sacrifices/Bake Sale that takes place in Death Valley, but that is another story for another day.
Yeah, I have no fucking idea what to say anymore. I hope Maman follows Paris to an abandoned parking lot and proceeds to beat the shit out of her with an Elmo slipper. And knowing Maman, she’ll probably have a Muppet slipper in one hand and a pair of brass knuckles on the other.
MAMAN: Take THAT! And THAT!
PARIS: NO! PLEASE!
MAMAN: And THAT!
PARIS: Oh my God! It burns! It BURNS!
MAMAN: And THAT! Goddammit, this is turning me on! Stick out your leg so I can hump it while I beat you!